Sitting at my desk, typing, out of window sun setting, the blues of the sea’s turning grey and the sky colours mashing up at the cliff of the mountains. The pure epicness of life, the awesomeness of every breath, I wanna feel it every day, I wanna know I’m part of something great.
But we fall. Into daily routines. Into daily boredom. In the grey. We forget the colours. We live in black and white.
I’d like to paint my world bright again. Like when we were kids, having big adventures, just in our yard, or in the forest of our little village that seemed so vast. The shabby old shelter in our garden made a great hideout, a place to be a hero, a place to live a fantasy. The branches of the trees supported me as I swung forth and back, my eyes in the sky, watching the glorious birds fly. Life was an adventure, every moment we had for ourselves, my imagination.
The colours faded and everything became ordinary. Living an ordinary life, falling short on our dreams. Being kicked by reality too hard, too many times. Made us stop trying. No more risking, no more jumping off the cliffs without a parachute or a trampoline underneath. No, no more of adventure. We live a life alike those adults we were despising. Long, long time ago. We wanted to belong, now we do. Now we need to stand out. Be the real self again, expressing the truth of one’s craziness, is okay, it’s okay.
But my body won’t allow this, nor my mind. We feel there is so much more. So much more out there to experience, to live, to be. Life is not just this. Life is not just chasing money and spending them. Life is freedom. Life is an adventure. Life is being me.
Stuck in a chase, she feels she has no other choice than to serve others, trade her time for a few coins. But the choice is always there, always available. Anything’s possible in the game of life. She didn’t grasp it completely just yet. She dreams about those possibilities. The dreams she had and the dreams she has. She’s feeling it coming to be true. Travelling freely, anywhere and anytime she wants. The colours are coming back, getting brighter and more vivid. It’s coming true. She can feel it now. Can feel the breeze in her hair and the smell, the fresh smell of freedom. The full breath she can now take.
It’ll be great when it happens. It’ll be a great story to tell. ‘Coz every story has a big downfall, hardships to overcome and painful points. The deeper they cut, the more in awe people will be at the end of it. It’s all working out. It’s all well. Everything’s in place for my grand tale. This is it and I am the writer, the character. I’m also the villain and the next door neighbour. I don’t know it all and I will get surprised by the amazing ways my wishes are being fulfilled.
Baffling, stars falling from the sky. I’m making myself be. What will I make myself be? Will I make it up or will I just let myself be me? It’s time to let it go. It’s time to be free again. Swinging on the swing staring into the starry night. They do fall, sometimes. And then we fall asleep. We do not see. I’ll get myself one and wear it in the pocket, all the ways I go, all the roads, all the way. She’ll keep me warm and keep my heart loving and my mind sane. I’ll stop worrying, anytime now.